Before and After

When I first became sick with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, it was suggested that I keep a diary of my experiences as I traveled on this journey.  There are plenty of reasons I did not.  First one being that I was so sick and felt I would never want to remember it. Secondly, I was in shock and couldn't fathom how gravely ill I really was. Writing it down may make it a reality I couldn't deny. Furthermore, there are periods of time I am unable to remember. My husband has filled me in little by little as I have continued to regain my health.

My Remission was confirmed in February and it is May now. I finally want to talk about what I have been through. I want my voice heard and it is my hope that someone who is where I once was will find my little corner of the Internet and be comforted and cheered. Things really and truly will be better. I promise. 

This photo was taken 6 weeks before my diagnosis and 8 weeks before my first chemo. I had no symptoms and no clue! I had never been sick and had just been given a clean bill of health a couple of months before this. My mammogram, pap smear, and all my blood work were perfectly normal. I took no medications of any kind and had never had any surgeries. I have always loved to cook and I believe in eating healthful foods. I went to the gym and was physically fit. I was healthy! Never had colds or flu. Never missed work due to illness. No complaints of aches or pains. No headaches. I can't have cancer; that is preposterous.

I miss my hair! I miss my color and the healthy glow of my complexion. I miss my scar-free chest.

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Nine months later, it looks like 20 years have gone by. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and it sure shows in my face. Since I no longer have that nice layer of fat under my skin, it just hangs there. Because I have had a lot of trouble with chemo induced anemia, I have been as pale as snow. At least I am getting some color back. Here, I am wearing lipstick and eyebrows but no other makeup. And they say I look good. It makes me feel so sad thinking of how I must have looked when I was really sick.

Quick, put on a wig and scarf!