Hair

Natalie

 

Before I go into my fun with chemo, can we talk hair?

Everything I have heard and read takes the stance that chemo induced hair loss is basically a vanity issue. Though the articles are less blunt and say things like "women consider their hair their crowning glory". Then go on to talk about how much time and money women spend on hair dressers, hair products, etc. How devastating it is because women "identify" with their hair.

Yes, the looks aspect of hair loss is traumatic. (I look like my Dad!)  And, yes I have spent plenty of time and money on my hair. But that was not my greatest concern. I am a very private person. My dread of losing my hair was of being transformed into someone who must reveal to the world, through my baldness, that I have cancer. 

I didn't especially want my grocery store cashier or librarian, much less perfect strangers, to know that about me. I don't want people giving me that look.

I didn't do the head shaving party or take before, during, and after photos. Too sick to party. Too upset to want my picture taken.

I ordered a cheap wig named Natalie from the American Cancer Society catalog. It cost $48. They have some cute hats too (as well as plenty of ugly ones). Another place I ordered a few cute hats was Head Covers.

Stay tuned for much, much more about hair loss and regrowth.

Before and After

When I first became sick with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, it was suggested that I keep a diary of my experiences as I traveled on this journey.  There are plenty of reasons I did not.  First one being that I was so sick and felt I would never want to remember it. Secondly, I was in shock and couldn't fathom how gravely ill I really was. Writing it down may make it a reality I couldn't deny. Furthermore, there are periods of time I am unable to remember. My husband has filled me in little by little as I have continued to regain my health.

My Remission was confirmed in February and it is May now. I finally want to talk about what I have been through. I want my voice heard and it is my hope that someone who is where I once was will find my little corner of the Internet and be comforted and cheered. Things really and truly will be better. I promise. 

This photo was taken 6 weeks before my diagnosis and 8 weeks before my first chemo. I had no symptoms and no clue! I had never been sick and had just been given a clean bill of health a couple of months before this. My mammogram, pap smear, and all my blood work were perfectly normal. I took no medications of any kind and had never had any surgeries. I have always loved to cook and I believe in eating healthful foods. I went to the gym and was physically fit. I was healthy! Never had colds or flu. Never missed work due to illness. No complaints of aches or pains. No headaches. I can't have cancer; that is preposterous.

I miss my hair! I miss my color and the healthy glow of my complexion. I miss my scar-free chest.

~ ~ ~

Nine months later, it looks like 20 years have gone by. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and it sure shows in my face. Since I no longer have that nice layer of fat under my skin, it just hangs there. Because I have had a lot of trouble with chemo induced anemia, I have been as pale as snow. At least I am getting some color back. Here, I am wearing lipstick and eyebrows but no other makeup. And they say I look good. It makes me feel so sad thinking of how I must have looked when I was really sick.

Quick, put on a wig and scarf!