Sick Food

During my hospitalization, the one I refer to as "that time I was so sick", I lost 22 pounds (in 11 days).

When I got home, I had no appetite whatsoever. Dr. V even wrote, "anorexia" (but not nervosa) in my chart. I was also very weak and needed to eat. My husband did a great job of feeding me, but it was a challenge for him. Almost nothing sounded good and thoughts of food smells was disgusting. Also, my spleen was very swollen from the lymphoma and pressing on my stomach, making me feel full even after eating a few bites. 

Here are the things I ate, almost exclusively, for about 6 weeks.

Egg Sandwich with Butter

Oatmeal with Raisins, Cinnamon & Butter with Toasted Raisin Bread and more Butter

Baked Bean Sandwich on Buttered Toast

Carrot Juice, Nuts and Trail Mix

And Thank God for Boost
 

Before and After

When I first became sick with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, it was suggested that I keep a diary of my experiences as I traveled on this journey.  There are plenty of reasons I did not.  First one being that I was so sick and felt I would never want to remember it. Secondly, I was in shock and couldn't fathom how gravely ill I really was. Writing it down may make it a reality I couldn't deny. Furthermore, there are periods of time I am unable to remember. My husband has filled me in little by little as I have continued to regain my health.

My Remission was confirmed in February and it is May now. I finally want to talk about what I have been through. I want my voice heard and it is my hope that someone who is where I once was will find my little corner of the Internet and be comforted and cheered. Things really and truly will be better. I promise. 

This photo was taken 6 weeks before my diagnosis and 8 weeks before my first chemo. I had no symptoms and no clue! I had never been sick and had just been given a clean bill of health a couple of months before this. My mammogram, pap smear, and all my blood work were perfectly normal. I took no medications of any kind and had never had any surgeries. I have always loved to cook and I believe in eating healthful foods. I went to the gym and was physically fit. I was healthy! Never had colds or flu. Never missed work due to illness. No complaints of aches or pains. No headaches. I can't have cancer; that is preposterous.

I miss my hair! I miss my color and the healthy glow of my complexion. I miss my scar-free chest.

~ ~ ~

Nine months later, it looks like 20 years have gone by. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and it sure shows in my face. Since I no longer have that nice layer of fat under my skin, it just hangs there. Because I have had a lot of trouble with chemo induced anemia, I have been as pale as snow. At least I am getting some color back. Here, I am wearing lipstick and eyebrows but no other makeup. And they say I look good. It makes me feel so sad thinking of how I must have looked when I was really sick.

Quick, put on a wig and scarf!